I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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