you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
