I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
