i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
