you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
