Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
