Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
