Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize