the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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