i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
