I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
