All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
