I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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