making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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