you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
