I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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