whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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