Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
