I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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