matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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