the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
