The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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