If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize