I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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