well I can't set my house on fire every night
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
