This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
