You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
