So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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