Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize