I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
