Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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