who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
