I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Randomize
