I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize