Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
