eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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