God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
