Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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