apparently the secret to your success is patron
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
