She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
