Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.

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(248): View more from Michigan

the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.

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(619): View more from California

i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out

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(631): View more from New York

I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.

(631): View more from New York

Cruelly.

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(714): View more from California

Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.

(562): View more from California

You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.

(714): View more from California

Well someones bitter they didn't get any.

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(818): View more from California

He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.

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(720): View more from Colorado

You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.

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(551): View more from New Jersey

Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight

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