So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
