Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
