Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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