Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
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