Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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