Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
