I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
There's even glitter on my cock...
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