well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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