he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize