Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
