I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
