my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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