Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You're like the curious george of whores
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
