He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
