Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
