his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
