i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
