It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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