We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
