he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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