I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
