youre lurking in front of me
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
