im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
