I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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