I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The uberlube is also flammable
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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