AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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