Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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