Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
