I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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