well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
