i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
