Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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