Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
