you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
